The doors of My Agent opened July 1st 2019 with excitement and wagging tails.
Little did we know that we would watch our beautiful coastline experience the worst fires in history.
We would see homes burn to the ground, locals become homeless overnight and our summer trade reduced to rubble.
Then Covid19 a history making world event that would see businesses close their doors, unemployment rise and the town plunge into despair.
As a new business, we didn’t qualify for any government assistance with keeping staff but just kept optimistic.
Nothing like a baptism of fire.
I own a company. I run a business. I am The Boss apparently.
I am a naughty school girl who answers to three headmasters.
INTRODUCING THE MASTERS:
- David and Heidi the accountants. They are Big Brother. Watching my every activity. I go to the diary room sit under the spotlight in the oversized chair and they ask me to explain myself, answer questions about forecasts and financials.
They use jargon like PAYG, PNL, BAS, XERO and I try to look intelligent. I often imagine a lady in the corner using sign language for the hearing impaired trying to mime what they mean. I should be paying attention but my mind wanders off and I often nod when there is pause.
I probably just bought shares in a Botswana mine and I wouldn’t know.
- Courtney and Jenny AKA the gate keepers of the trust account. They are the ones that need to be obeyed. If I don’t I have the correct paperwork and details they will send me straight to prison. I do not touch my trust account. It’s like a huge cupcake that I can only admire from a distance, I can not pick it up, smell it or put my finger in the icing.
- Then there is Sue, the scariest book keeper in all the land. I must send her every receipt for every expense. Questions all invoices and expenditure of the company. I feel nervous every time I buy bottles of wine on the company card as gifts for clients. I am sure she thinks I have a chronic drinking problem and pour champagne on my Weetbix in the morning.
They all tap into my business behind the scenes and do magic things that I don’t entirely understand.
The team turn up with me everyday and we work like squirrels together.
We get paid wages and commissions.
We laugh together and we celebrate our wins and commiserate our losses.
I have no glass office, I sit with them in our little pod.
I got called into the head masters office for something called a Pre Tax plan.
They had all assembled around the cauldron of numbers and decided to write my report.
Heart in my throat.
I had all the excuses ready.
It was Covid, it was fire, it was the economy, it was my first year in business.
I am great at sales but not very smart with the business stuff.
I was sweaty and sick.
They then gave me a standing ovation.
Good girl you made a profit.
Obligatory pat on the head.
Gave me an A+
I asked if I could have a pay rise
Or if they could give me a bonus.
They then talked in code about profits, personal tax, company tax, super contributions, minimising this and maximising that….
My eyes glaze over.
I guess that’s a no.